


I Hate That I Love You

by alotofphandoms



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Arguing, Destiel - Freeform, Domestic, Established Relationship, Fighting, Fluff, Hunting, M/M, dean cant deal with commitment, human cas, human!Cas, idk TAGS, idk i just like writing angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-26
Updated: 2015-12-26
Packaged: 2018-05-09 09:35:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5534936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alotofphandoms/pseuds/alotofphandoms
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You worried me sick. I thought you were dead, Dean." Cas said, unwrapping a thick bandage. Dean sighed again, covering his face. "You left the bunker without even saying goodbye or even writing a note, why is that?" Cas asks all of a sudden, dropping the bandage and standing in front of Dean.</p><p> </p><p>Rated Mature for language</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Hate That I Love You

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote more angst lol I know but I just like it I guess. I hope you guys like it! Leave a comment if you have any ideas for something for me to write

"Dean?" Cas called out as he heard the bunker open. Sam and Dean had disappeared one morning and Cas woke up alone and scared. It had been three days and Dean hadn't picked up any of his calls and Sam had stupidly left his phone at the bunker. The former angel at no way to contact Dean and he couldn't hold himself together. Castiel had spent the last three days crying, wearing Dean's jackets and scared out of his mind that they had been kidnapped or worse, killed. Finally, when Cas heard that bunker door being unlocked he sprung up from Dean and his bed and waited at the end of the steps. Sam hobbled inside, closing the door behind him and practically falling to the ground. "Sam?" Cas ran up the steps and caught Sam before he could fall.

"I'm sorry I'm just so... beaten." Sam forces out a chuckle. 

"Where's Dean?" Cas rambled out quickly.

"Oh he stayed behind to finish the hunt. It was a real difficult one and I just got to beaten up to continue fighting.." Sam told Cas.

"Ugh, I hate him. Why didn't he tell me you guys were leaving me?" Cas questioned, holding up Sam and helping him to the lounge area.

"Well we just had to," He paused as Cas helped him sit down on the couch. Sam sighed in relief at being able to sit comfortably. "We just had to bolt. I told him he should've left a note for you or at least said goodbye but he was focused on hunting this thing. Apparently our dad and him hunted it when he was younger and it got away. Dean had some beef with it or some shit and just wanted to go. Sorry Cas.."

"You better be sorry! I'm going to kill him when he gets back.. If he isn't dead already!" Cas shouts and immediately burst into tears thinking about Dean being dead.

"Oh, Cas.." Sam sighs, pulling Castiel into a big hug. Cas cried into Sam's chest, feeling pathetic but for once this week he has someone to comfort him as he cries. 

"I'm sorry, this has been happening all week... I feel so human.." Cas apologizes, pulling away from Sam.

"You've been crying all week?" Sam asks, sadly. Cas nods, shrugging.

"Well since you guys left me." Cas sniffles, rubbing his puffy eyes.

"I'll try calling Dean, maybe he'll answer me." Sam says, going to find his phone. Cas looks around the lounge to see one of Dean's sweatshirts on the arm chair. Cas gets it and hugs it tightly before pulling it over his torso. He hugs himself, breathing in Dean's scent. The sweatshirt smelled like warm, sleepy Dean and Cas felt this overwhelming feeling of missing him. Sam walked back into the room, smiling sadly at Cas as he takes in the view of him in his brothers sweatshirt. 

"Dean, call me back man. I got to the bunker okay, but Cas isn't good, alright? Get home." Sam hung up the phone and it was obvious to Cas that Dean wasn't answering anyone. "I'm sorry Cas. He'll be fine though, don't worry. He'll get home fine." Cas took a deep breath and sat down in the arm chair. 

"I hope so..." Cas whispered, slumping down in the seat. As they waited, Sam put on a few movies to try and take Cas' mind off of Dean but Cas couldn't stop worrying about him.

 

~~~

 

Cas had decided to sleep on the couch just in case Dean got back that night. He couldn't fall asleep though, not for a moment; and when those bunker doors made a click sound, Cas shot up. He practically ran to the bottom of the stairs and watched the door open slowly. The silhouette of Dean slumped down and groaned, spitting blood to the side. 

"Dean?" Cas called out into the darkness. Dean looked over weakly and Cas ran up the stairs, squeezing him tightly. 

"Cas.." Dean croaked, hugging him back. Cas hit his back roughly.

"I hate you so much Dean." Cas growled, pushing Dean away. "How could you worry me like that?" Cas yelled.

"Cas, I'm sorry.. I had to go-" Dean started but Cas cut him off, hugging him tightly again.

"I hate that I love you, you bastard." Cas mumbled into his shoulder. Dean chuckled weakly, hugging Cas back just as tightly. 

"I love you too Cas, I'm sorry." Dean says. "And I love your hugs but right now you're really hurting me.." Cas jumped back, placing his hands carefully on Dean's arms.

"I'm sorry, are you alright?" Cas asks, worried. Dean chuckles and shrugs. "Come on, lets go fix you up." Cas mumbled, helping Dean down the stairs. He seemed in worst shape than Sam. Dean put his arm around Cas and Cas supported his weight, practically carrying Dean to the kitchen and letting him sit on the table. Castiel went to the freezer first, getting a bag of peas and carefully placing it on Dean's black eye. Dean held it up himself as Cas went to get the first aid kit. He opened it up, not even knowing where to start. Dean's mouth was full of blood though so he started there. He got a glass of water and put some salt in it to stop the bleeding. He gave it to him and Dean swished it around, spitting back into the glass. Goopy, thick blood mixed with the water and Cas made a face. Dean chuckled at him. Cas set the glass aside and decided to clean up the cuts on his face. He wet a towel and started to dab at his face, Dean's green eyes looking up at him.

"I was scared to death, Dean. I've never been so worried in my entire life and I've had a long life." Castiel told him, seriously, looking into his eyes for a moment. Dean frowned but before he could apologize again Cas continues. "I've never cried so much.." Dean's chest hurt hearing this. He took in Castiel's appearance for the first time this evening. His eyes were red and puffy and his hair was everywhere. He looked exhausted. Dean then saw his sweatshirt being worn by Cas and his heart sunk. He had scared his boyfriend so bad and then made him miss him so much he had to wear the others clothes. Dean frowned again, reaching up to stop Cas' hand from cleaning up the blood on his face. 

"I'm so sorry..." Dean whispered, tears welling in his eyes. He sighed, "I fucked up... Why do you even like me?" Dean says, running a hand over his face. Cas opened the first aid kit and looked back to Dean.

"You worried me sick. I thought you were dead, Dean." Cas said, unwrapping a thick bandage. Dean sighed again, covering his face. "You left the bunker without even saying goodbye or even writing a note, why is that?" Cas asks all of a sudden, dropping the bandage and standing in front of Dean.

"Cas, it's hard to explain. I just..." He said slowly. Cas huffed and closed his eyes. "Cas, please. I'm sorry.." Dean pushes himself off the table, stepping closer to Cas. 

"Dean, just explain. I wanna know why you just took off! I don't do that to you!" Cas shouts. Dean takes a deep breath.

"It's hard for you to understand.." Dean whispered. Cas waited, staring at him to go on. "I just sometimes... need a break." Cas crinkled his eyebrows.

"A break from what?" Dean looks away from Cas. "From me?" Cas shouts.

"Cas, listen. It's not from you specifically, it's from this." Dean gestures vaguely between them. Castiel raises his eyebrows, not trying to get mad at Dean.

"From us...." Cas whispers and Dean looks away again. "I don't understand, do you not love me?" Cas said, not being able to raise his voice anymore. Dean's head shot up, staring at Cas.

"No, of course not Cas. I promise you, I love you." Dean assures. "I'm just... bad at this. You know that. I'm bad at being your boyfriend. Sometimes I just have to go on a hunt. Clear my head. I didn't mean to leave like this. I sound horrible I know." 

"You do." Cas said, making Dean look up at him. Dean stares at him, hopefully. "But I still love you. And I don't care if you have to go on these dumb hunts, just... Just come home. That's all I care about." Cas tells him, getting choked up.

"I'll never run off again. I never want to make you feel so alone again. " Dean says, walking closer to Cas. Castiel steps closer, throwing his arms around Dean. He holds him close and Dean hugs back, kissing Cas on the neck.

"I hate you so much." Cas whispers as Dean kisses his forehead. Dean chuckles softly.

"I love you Cas." Dean says, looking into Cas' beautiful blue eyes. Cas kisses him on the lips. 

"I love you too Dean. I hate how much I love you." Cas smiled as Dean leaned down to kiss his boyfriend again.


End file.
